My Hand Reaches For Your Hand
by twintailed
Summary: Once, it was so easy to take hold of his arm and point him the right way. How did it get so hard? Slight Axel/Roxas. No spoilers for 358.


_**My Hand Reaches For Your Hand  
**_

_**a/n: **This is another AkuRoku fic since one of my friends irl told me to write one that was bugging me since I started playing 358/2 Days. Though actually, this one was from almost near the beginning, so it's not really spoilerish. In fact the scenes in question have been around for years... Anyway, as for the fic itself, I'm really not sure what to think of it. It's been sitting on my hard drive for a month during Nano, whilst I occasionally started at it, wondering if I liked it or not. Which I'm not sure about. But I figured I'd post it up now before it gets lost in t he depths of someplace or another._

_The song that inspired this was _Need _by Hana Pestle, which yes, I also wrote my last fic too (though this one was secretly first). I recommend listening to it, since it gave me the whole idea with taking hold of another person's hand, and how it could become so difficult._

* * *

  
On the day Axel first met Roxas – the day he was first officially assigned to 'babysitting' duty, the day he first came to know his first real friend, the day when the Organization reached the roster of its name – it wasn't like anything really significant or important stood out. Roxas didn't remember any of it, Axel knew; but he, Axel, remembered all of it. It was just a lot of things didn't really matter after everything else that had happened since then, and some things that had happened that day had become tradition, so it was only important for that catalyst. But amidst the climb to the clock tower which became as natural as breathing, there was one event that hung around Axel's mind, that only now resurfaced as something uncannily similar unfolded before his eyes so long after it had happened.

It was perfectly etched into his memory, just like his catchphrase. It was sparkling clear, mostly since it _was_ the first time Axel had been on the receiving end of Roxas' occasional stubbornness and fierce determination; even if, in this case, it wasn't precisely intentional and was more likely an attribute to the fact he was mere hours old. Either way, after being rung up to 'watch number XIII', Axel had taken the dazed boy into Twilight Town, through the tram common. He wasn't exactly sure why he'd done that now, as that part was a bit fuzzy, but the why part wasn't important.

As they walked, the three regular kids of Twilight Town – which Axel later learned were called Hayner, Pence, and Olette – passed them by, all three of them eating sea-salt ice cream. Roxas had been trailing along slightly ahead of Axel, until he saw the three of them. He stopped, and stared, unmoving. It had only taken a couple of seconds for Axel to catch up and consequently reach the end of his tether – it was very short, even now... well, actually, he had to wonder if even existed at all. One hand caught hold of Roxas' shoulder, in a wry attempt to catch his attention – but nothing happened. At that, Axel had sighed, before tugging a bit harder at his clothes – still no response. The kid was stubborn alright, he realised, as he almost seemed permanently cemented to the floor. This had ultimately called to drastic measures, of which he'd grabbed hold of Roxas' arm, and pulled him along in the right direction by the hand, leading him on. It was as easy as saying hello. There was nothing behind it. It was simple. The idea entered his head, and Axel had gone with it – take his hand and force Roxas to go with him.

Simple. Easy.

And now, back in the present, thereabouts one year since they had met, as Roxas walked through the dark, deserted streets of the World That Never Was whilst Axel leant against the building, the memory bubbled on the surface. It was so much the same. Roxas was going off the beaten track again – another distraction, though this time maybe not as innocent as ice cream – so, Axel should just take his hand and lead him the right way, back to the Organization, as he had done exactly one year ago.

Mulling over it, Axel found right at that moment, there wasn't much to exactly mull over. He wanted to stop Roxas from leaving into the darkness; the answer was in front of him. He'd find him and bring him back. He wouldn't let his best friend in the world leave and be destroyed. Never.

But as Roxas came closer, Axel didn't as much move a muscle. He came closer, and closer, till Axel could see the individual hairs across Roxas' forehead, each one all a slightly different shade of blonde. But still his arms remained folded, his back against concrete, his eyes half trained to the floor. For some reason... he just couldn't do it. He made up the excuse that he would as soon as Roxas passed him; but that time came, and still he hadn't moved at all.

Why wasn't it so simple anymore?

Why couldn't he just reach out and take it, like he once did?

Why was he letting the one person that _mattered_ walk right out his life?

It was complicated, much more complicated, than a simple matter of steering a dazed boy's attention in another direction, coaxing him to walk a certain way. At a glance, the scenarios were similar; but really, they were so different. Roxas wasn't the same as he was then. Axel wasn't the same as he was then. And they knew what the other would do, how the other would react, after a year.

Because now, Axel knew that Roxas would leave anyway. Because now, Axel knew there were far too many implications and far too much forethought into taking hold of his arm. Because now, Axel knew that his actions would be fruitless and wouldn't achieve the object he'd set for them.

But there was also another reason. Another small reason, tucked away behind the others that came out as easily as one-two-three, whilst this one remained quiet and subdued, doubtful. Alike the rest, but not really the same at all; a reason that completely overshadowed the rest.

He couldn't take hold of his arm, as he had done all those days ago... because it would _hurt_ even more to have Roxas brush him off, to force his best friend to let go without any care in the world, and leave.

_Hurt_. How could it hurt, when he was just a pile of nothing? But no - he wasn't just a pile of nothing anymore. When he was touched by the echo of a heart, it was only going to be a matter of time before long term exposure changed him, too. It was only going to be a matter of time before the echo reached out, and embraced him too, swallowing him up in emotions he barely could recall from his somebody days. He wasn't the same - even though he had never been one - person that he had been way back when. He was different.

He felt torn. He felt confusion. And most of all, it was hurting. More than Axel could comprehend.

It was a lose-lose situation. Watch him leave, and hurt; or hurt even more by trying to stop him. Axel took the lesser of two evils, as the thoughts billowed around in his head, and Roxas took step by step to leave. One, two, three.

Axel remembered saying something - something about Roxas getting destroyed, just a string of words he grasped at like straws, anything to make Roxas stop and turn around and come back in this direction and not walk away. But it made Roxas bitterer; angrier; claiming that no one would miss him.

Four, five.

Axel tried to shout - but he couldn't. He tried to find the right words to say – but there were none, just as there was no way he could pull Roxas back. All he managed was a whisper, which wouldn't be enough. Even shouting wouldn't be enough. Even the most honest thing he'd ever said – that he'd miss him, even though he had no idea how that could be true, but it was – wouldn't be enough.

Six, seven, eight.

At number eight he seemed to pause. Then he walked five more steps, until Axel couldn't see him anymore as he disintegrated into the dark.

And then, Roxas checked out of the World That Never Was one last time.


End file.
